Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Working on the Dream

So it hit me hard once again today. I want to work part-time! Yes I do. I need to say it aloud and write this down alot to put it out there. Walk the earth and say it loud! Riding the balance of being a Mom and wanting to spend time, precious time with my Hoopingirl and knowing I have the responsibility to bring home the bacon is precarious at times. I work to provide for my girl and I have to coach the part of me who is missing so much spending at least several more hours a week with my girl of that very fact. Would I feel it so precarious if I loved the work I was doing more? I don't know. For now, I go to work, I do the job, I leave. Mind you, this is one of the few times in my life I have felt this way about work. I have always invested so much of myself in my job because I loved the work. The fact that days pass so quickly and knowing I have spent each week so many hours away from my girl in a place that does not nurture my soul or where I do not feel like I'm making a meaningful contribution to the community at large well its a lot to think about some days and believe me I do. Let's just say some mornings it just isn't my first choice to walk out the door to a job that is just ok. I talk us both through it on days when Hoopingirl isn't quite ready for me to leave. I remind us both, though mainly myself I know well, why I work, for our home, for the clothes we wear, for the fun we have, so that her dad could go to school for the last two years and get on the road himself toward something he loves to do. I am grateful yes I really am that I have work so that I can take care of us. But it is time to work in new ways! Getting on the road to changing my work scene is a big part of why I am writing. I am working on creating a new vision for work and life balance and bringing it to the light of day.

I know what I want work to feel like and I'm getting so much closer to knowing what I want it to look like. I know what has most meaning to me. Being there for my girl, my family, being there for myself in doing work I love, work that is just a natural part of who I am. I do have some very practical tasks at hand, that is to come up with real numbers of what I must bring in dollar-wise. I can taste it, perhaps a little more balance day to day, more time to spend with my Hoopingirl and more time carved out for me, the me working on the dream to start my own business.

I know I can make this happen. This being working part-time doing something I enjoy or hey even love again. I know that feeling of doing work I love and really in the work world there's not much better. Where work doesn't feel like work but rather an extension of who we are. Where time flies. Where we shine internally and externally because we are doing what we love. And to be around other people who feel the same. The energy is contagious. I've had the honor to have several jobs where I have felt this. Teaching and counseling adults in career transition and designing websites for various projects. Two of my favorite work experiences. Yes, so different in some ways but there are deep parallels in that they gave me the chance for creativity, autonomy, fluidity, and freedom to experiment with ideas. Work in this time and place was far from routine and repetitious. Working with people who cared

I talk about it more and more because by talking about it I gather ideas and input.
And now I put it out in Blogville. There is far more to explore here.

1 comment:

T said...

it sure is tough working at a soulless job 40 hrs a week that leaves you daydreaming about all of the other things you could be doing, things that might actually be rewarding and make a difference! you're taking all the rights steps and i know that its been a painfully slow process but if anyone can make these things happen, you can. always keeping your girl and fam in mind, youll trudge forward, lay down the law with work and make your demands. i bet youre further along than you think you are (in terms of your dream biz) and i know that once you go part time [fingers crossed!] you'll be revitalized and an invigorating perspective will come to light.

do i sound like a cheesy fortune teller? madame T at your service...