Knit a row. Purl a row. Knit a Row. Purl.....

I signed up for a basic knitting course with a couple great women friends of mine. I have learned to knit and purl at various times throughout the years and have even knit a few wearables. Scarves for holiday gifts and a sweet little hat for Hoopingirl for which she designed the color scheme.
I do really love to knit at times during the year. I'm particularly drawn to knitting in the fall and winter seasons. Something about drinking tea and knitting feels warm and nourishing to me especially when mixed with a good visit. Today I met my great friend at our local Food Coop and we helped each other with the ole purl stitch. I've always learned to throw in my knit and purl and in this class we are learning to pick. Already I loved the term because when I hear pick I think of Bluegrass music and though I play no instrument that requires a pick--it is in one of my dreams to learn to play the fiddle someday or bass perhaps. In this pick method though, the action is much quieter and I like it. Knitting this new way came along fairly quickly but the purl well that's felt a little awkward so far. The awkwardness is a good thing I'm convinced. The awkwardness is a challenge. I've come to learn that I like this kind of challenge . I want to keep at it until it feels natural. For now, so mindful. so conscious. Not yet relaxing. Yet its ok. It feels good to be learning something new.

But the time, the hour away from work sitting with my dear friend all cozy in our sweaters knitting and visiting and laughing was rich. I told her this is my vision that I will have this time away from a routine job--two hours to do this to do something so delicious to feel a little of that freedom. I can see the design of the day--taking Hoopingirl to school for a shorter day than now, me writing, working and taking time out to nourish myself. Spending more time with my Girl. The rhythm seems good.

When I sat there last week in the first class metting, I realized how energized I felt just being out learning something new. On my own. I'd not scheduled any regular recreational activity for myself since Hoopingirl was born. The reasons ah well that's a big subject on finding balance between working and being a mama and not wanting to take time away from my mama time with Hoopingirl. The balance is challenging. I have worked full-time to provide for our family as the Papa has been in school for the last two years redirecting his own career. I leave work and I want to be with my Girl. And in that precious time after work and until her bedtime, there is still the need to find balance and time for myself. There has been great pull not to because I've not wanted to take time away from her. I am trying to grasp and learn how important it is that I do take some regular time away in order to re-energize and nurture myself for myself, for my family. I definitely take time for myself but let's say it has not been any sort of regularly scheduled anything more like a here and there and a I better schedule it a week ahead of time kind of thing. This is my own doing and my own responsibility I realize that more and more.
The balance though is shifting. Now our priority is to create a way for me to work less away from home. I am taking steps to create time for myself and it is true the more I do that even 15 minutes or 30 minutes, I am far more refreshed to be a much more conscious, mindful and present parent. This involves such a shift in thinking at least on my part. The internal dialog of quieting my mind of any guilt. Nourish yourself. Nourish the Girl. Nourish the Family. Slow Down. Relax. This is a new way of thinking. Awkward at first. I will practice and slowly it will feel more natural. On we go. Knit a Row. Purl A Row. Knit a Row. Purl...

fall in the air. soup on the stove.

I love the feeling of fall in the air. Digging for sweaters and corduroy pants. Getting back to knitting. Cooking. I'm not so much a by the book recipe gal but I definitely like to leaf through my collection search given ingredients online and go from there. For me its intuition and improvisation that lead to most night's dinners. The fun for me is in making something out of whatever we happen to have around. Or in going to the store and putting together a meal based on an inkling of what I want dinner to look like, taste like. Yesterday, I felt the crispness of fall. And knew it was time for a pot of soup. Improvisation from there. Local, natural pork, fresh beets and their greens, spinach, white beans, tomato and penne. Hearty and super filling and warm. On the side, a little bowl of crisp apples with some sharp local cheddar. The night was sweet. Family time at the table. Taking photos of food is brand new to me and clearly I have a ways to go. But since this is a journey in daily life and a journey in getting my creativity flowing here's a little pic of the soup. No matter how it looks here, the taste was what I imagined it would be. Hoopingirl and her Papa ate if up.


And on knitting, I signed up for a class. Taking it with two of my good pals. I am excited because its been ages since I've taken any sort of class just for me. I know how to knit a little and have even made a scarf or two or three and one hat. I know so little though about patterns and fixing dropped stitches and well I thought what better way to dig into knitting this fall then to learn something more about it. Dreaming of making hoopingirl a vest.

Working on the Dream

So it hit me hard once again today. I want to work part-time! Yes I do. I need to say it aloud and write this down alot to put it out there. Walk the earth and say it loud! Riding the balance of being a Mom and wanting to spend time, precious time with my Hoopingirl and knowing I have the responsibility to bring home the bacon is precarious at times. I work to provide for my girl and I have to coach the part of me who is missing so much spending at least several more hours a week with my girl of that very fact. Would I feel it so precarious if I loved the work I was doing more? I don't know. For now, I go to work, I do the job, I leave. Mind you, this is one of the few times in my life I have felt this way about work. I have always invested so much of myself in my job because I loved the work. The fact that days pass so quickly and knowing I have spent each week so many hours away from my girl in a place that does not nurture my soul or where I do not feel like I'm making a meaningful contribution to the community at large well its a lot to think about some days and believe me I do. Let's just say some mornings it just isn't my first choice to walk out the door to a job that is just ok. I talk us both through it on days when Hoopingirl isn't quite ready for me to leave. I remind us both, though mainly myself I know well, why I work, for our home, for the clothes we wear, for the fun we have, so that her dad could go to school for the last two years and get on the road himself toward something he loves to do. I am grateful yes I really am that I have work so that I can take care of us. But it is time to work in new ways! Getting on the road to changing my work scene is a big part of why I am writing. I am working on creating a new vision for work and life balance and bringing it to the light of day.

I know what I want work to feel like and I'm getting so much closer to knowing what I want it to look like. I know what has most meaning to me. Being there for my girl, my family, being there for myself in doing work I love, work that is just a natural part of who I am. I do have some very practical tasks at hand, that is to come up with real numbers of what I must bring in dollar-wise. I can taste it, perhaps a little more balance day to day, more time to spend with my Hoopingirl and more time carved out for me, the me working on the dream to start my own business.

I know I can make this happen. This being working part-time doing something I enjoy or hey even love again. I know that feeling of doing work I love and really in the work world there's not much better. Where work doesn't feel like work but rather an extension of who we are. Where time flies. Where we shine internally and externally because we are doing what we love. And to be around other people who feel the same. The energy is contagious. I've had the honor to have several jobs where I have felt this. Teaching and counseling adults in career transition and designing websites for various projects. Two of my favorite work experiences. Yes, so different in some ways but there are deep parallels in that they gave me the chance for creativity, autonomy, fluidity, and freedom to experiment with ideas. Work in this time and place was far from routine and repetitious. Working with people who cared

I talk about it more and more because by talking about it I gather ideas and input.
And now I put it out in Blogville. There is far more to explore here.

On Getting to the Board

So, the Bulletin Board. I remember being so jazzed about these corkboard tiles. I left them at the foot of the stairs for the latter part of the week and finally on Saturday I made the giant next step of bringing them upstairs to my office/guestroom. And there they sat for the next few days while I made the choice to do other things like go camping on a whim with my family.

We are fortunate to live in a magnificent area close to mountains, rivers, lakes and ocean among other natural wonders. We had a leisurely saturday, slow and easy. We decided midday that we wanted to go camping, car-camping. By 3, after saying goodbye to my dear friends moving to the mid-west and packing up whatever we thought could be important for one night in the woods, Hoopingirl, her daddio and I headed out to find a campsite. Somewhere. We drove north just about an hour into Canada to find a lake. This would be great. Swimming, roasting corn and turkey-dogs over the fire, hooping, a late night beer from a can while sitting around the fire talking after our girl went to bed, watching the flames, all cozy in warm sweaters--what could be better.

Yes, in the states and in Canada this 3 day weekend is one of the busiest but for us, I think we just trusted something would turn up. We had no reservations and as we came upon our destination which we more or less decided upon on the drive, the 4 major campsites in the area we chose were FULL. There it was in huge letters: FULL. Well, I thought who cares, we'll swim, picnic, find an adventure and drive back home if we can't find a place to sleep. Daddio though said "nah let's ask, there's gotta be something." We drove up to the ranger station and sure enough the Ranger said "well yah, we have 1 left". Couldn't believe it. Off we went to site # 74 and set up camp.

Though I've sure not got out camping much lately, everytime I get out and do it I think about how much I love it. Car-camping is like luxury camping to me. All the comforts of home practically. Air beds in the van, good food, bottles of wine if you want it, hoola hoops and balls, books you name it, pillows, everything is game. Of course this trip we may have forgotten forks and plates but we did remember our toothbrushes. While car-camping is luxury, I love backpacking too, bringing the essentials on your back. Sleeping bag, tent, therm-r-rest, cards, yummy food where you get to be perhaps more innovative with less, tarp and rope, water-purifier, matches and more that's in my camping box I know I'm forgetting. What I always loved about backpacking was making camp with what you have. I thought about how long it has been since I've taken a backpack trip--almost 5 years to the date. Here comes a new goal! Get back out there with a pack on.

Anyway, back to site # 74. We all sat around the fire, cooked our corn and turkey-dogs and felt full. After putting Hoopingirl to bed, we did put another log or few on the fire and talked, sipping our beer--not canned this time but it still met my vision of the camp-scene. I dozed off in front of the fire so warm and relaxed. We were slugs plain and simple and it felt so great. We woke up to a short sprinkle that passed quickly. I thought though this was a great excuse to stay in the van and sleep. More. We played games with Hoopingirl or alternated I suppose while each one of us got to take a little bit more of a nap. Hoopingirl gave us massages that were among the best around using her body. This time away for the 3 of us felt good and easy. Just being in the moment. Not talking about what we need to get done or what didn't get done. None of that. We spent that day, after finally crawling out the van and packing up, meandering along back roads through beautiful lush, green farmland where dramatic snow covered peaks rise high. Though the day was overcast, the views were so beautiful still.

We took Hoopingirl on a short hike to Bridal Veil Falls. She was having fun using the camera, snapping me and Daddio along with caterpillers crawling along, the stream, moss-covered trees. I'll post these pics soon. She had fun finding her way along the path and hiking higher. This too marks an inspiration and goal to get hiking a lot more like I used to only how with Hoopingirl.

One hour and who knows how many miles away; we got away for 24 hours and it was so good. The rest of the weekend was fun too but I could feel my to-do list surfacing by Monday afternoon. With the help of a design-star pal, we hung the cork tiles--using a level and all. I was impressed with her precision and with me for going this more well-planned route to hanging something on the wall. My normal routine would be to eyeball whatever it is and paste it on up. Well I was proud. We made a nice design with the tiles. I have to say though today the day after hanging the 8 tiles, I had some doubts about the quality of the tiles and that dreadful doublesided tape you're given use to paste them up. Would it peel my beautiful latte-colored walls? I came home and the tiles were already falling off the walls. I returned them all, got my money back and was so grateful for that. Decided that I would save the 15$ and just use that big bulletin board that I found for free. Warped and all. I could look past the warp to save some money. This huge bulletin board is now up on my wall and it looks great. I have posted a few pieces up so far; a design idea for my desk space and some other reminders and to dos. Its how I want it though big, a board I can stand before and put up my dreams big. On to the next task.

Wednesday night is Hoopin Night!

Last night was one of those magical nights. Magical for me of late has meant organic and by that I mean time just unfolds; days and nights develop without much guidance or push into something delicious.

I love days and nights that unfold like this. Wonderful unplanned visits with friends stopping by or walks or bike rides with my girl or wagon rides around the neighborhood where we meet new neighbors and have conversation while our kids play. Yes these are the kind of days and nights I love. Organic. When my workday for now is routine, I like some of the other parts of my time to be a little less routine. There are plans of course to eat and grocery shop and pay bills and work on the ever-growing list of the to-dos but there is a fine balance for me on certain days where there are no hugely concrete plans just perhaps a few parameters that set the pace of the day like oh they are coming by at 2 or yeah let's eat meet at 6.

This night was one of those great nights where the pace of the night just felt right. This is the organic I am talking about. Nothing was definitively planned. I came home to meet my sweet sister-friend and her girl. Next, the rest of my family came home from their day. We poured some wine and talked and caught up on weeks of stories. Our girls put on their princess dresses, ate ravioli and played. We talk in tangents always connecting the dots in conversation and for both of us it really never matters if we finish one topic or not because we know we'll pick it up the next time we talk.

In our town, Wednesday night is Hoola Hoop night at one of our favorite local hangouts. The DJ is one of my favorites and on Wednesdays he spins some good old style reggae among other stuff. What is old style Reggae? I don't know but I know its what I like and I can tell you some of these songs I've been listening to for over 20 years. That is alot of time and yet it feels like it isn't. I love reggae particularly in the spring and summer and in the sunshine. This is music that makes me want to dance. Desmond Dekker and the Israelites, so many others. I labored to this music when I had my sweet baby girl. Great labor music. Great hooping music. An invitation to get lost in the groove. I close my eyes and let myself go who cares if the hoop drops keep going on.

The great part of this hoopin night is anyone can go. All ages. There are wee ones hooping right along side grandmothers. I watch my girl as she spins her hoop. She has without a doubt in this moment found her own groove as she dances and spins her sweet self freely around and around. I soak up the music, my girl and my friends and family and I taste the goodness of this moment.

The night of music continues to unfold as one of my favorite bands begins to play Yogoman Burning Band. I don't know the people in the band but to me it sure seems this band loves what they are doing. Their energy, the energy they give to the crowd is pure magic. They are plain and simple: so fun and so good. How good it is to be around fun this energy, to be around people who love what they are doing.

As my sister-friend and I dance together, with our children, on our own we watch our girls, the two of them smiling and dancing, running and venturing on their own. We watch them shine. We say to eachother "look at our girls." We don't need to say much more.

I love this night. I am filled with energy when we get back home and after putting my girl to bed though it is nearly 11:00 I am not ready to sleep.

There's much I have to do this week. Yes plans. But good ones and there is no specific date and time just action steps to accomplish within the week. I realized yesterday more urgently than perhaps on other days that I needed a bulletin board to post my plans, to-dos and post them big. I want my ideas and dreams up on my wall where I can stand before them, look at them, work on them, do them. My pocket size calendar and small moleskin notebook are great for my bag a and keeping track of appointments and in the moment brainstorms but for the dreams I am working on now I know they must be posted in a much bigger space. I never would have thought it would have taken months to decide on the type of bulletin board I wanted but it did. I thought I found the perfect giant sized one a few weeks ago in a free curb-side giveaway. A few days later when I really took a good look at the big board now inside our house, I saw that it was was warped. And warped for my dream board just didn't feel right. So I made the purchase yesterday and settled on corkboard tiles that I can put right up on my wall without a hammer and nail. I am excited. I have some initial postings for my wall that I am getting ready to work on too. More on this soon.

Adventures of the Sparkly Bandaid

Well this last friday night was quite a night.

I came home from work beat from a week of work, late nights visiting with friends and family. On this very night after a very minimal amount of weeding, hoopin girl and I went in to forage for some easy friday night dinner fixins.

Like many four-year olds, my girl is packed with energy, boundless it seems sometimes. "Mom," she asked, "can I do some rolls on the couch?" One of her favorite indoor activities is doing forward rolls on the comfy, cushy living room couch. As a mom, I know this is probably not the best choice for me to make, that is let her allow her to use the couch as a gymnastics mat, balance beam or vault. There is another voice though that says ah let her try, there are pillows, the space is safe and she'll be alright. And besides I continue to say to myself, don't be too overprotective of her physical pursuits. She is feeling strong and confident. I know it must sound crazy--like what on earth am I doing letting her stand on the couch and roll across the pillows but there I was once again letting it happen trusting all would be fine. All was going well, until her next trick. As fast as I could say "no hopping on one foot on the edge of the couch" she slipped from the hop, rolled off the couch and into corner edge of our wooden coffee table. Watching her fall felt like slow motion but I don't think I've ever moved faster scooping her up. No doubt about it, this was a scary fall. I moved fast, holding her so tight racing to the kitchen to clean her up, holding a compress to the wound. I was scared for my girl knowing she was scared and I was scared for me as her mom. I felt such vulnerability, wanting so badly to fix everything right then and there and knowing it wasn't going to be that easy. I had to grab hold of myself, the scared self and tell that self to be calm, be calm for my girl. Honestly that took a minute or two or three. I called her dad well rather yelled loudly for her dad to come in the house quick. I was feeling better by the minute, calmer. We knew this was not an ordinary cut and that yeah we better get to the doctor fast.

We raced to the car and headed to the doctor--so fortunate that our pediatrician's office can take care of coffee table accidents such as this one. We told our girl of a couple of our adventures as kids--my ricochet into the neighbors clothes line that sent me in for 2 stitches and her dad's fall on his chin that got him a stitch or two.

Maybe our wonderful doctor was trying to make me feel better telling me that her own 3 kids climb and jump and roll of their couch all the time and that in fact they'd had several coffee table incidents that very day--whatever it was fact or fiction it worked.

Our girl was brave. Four stitches, three stories and even a couple of songs later, we were all feeling much better. The best part in her opinion of this latest adventure is the sparkly silver and oh so shiny bandaid that adorns her forehead. She was back to herself in full swing the next day, spinning and dancing with her hoop, ready to climb again. We will take a break from the tumbling until she is fully healed and well the green couch will remain just that our comfy couch better for ready and cuddling retired now from indoor gymnastics.

I know I feel so completely grateful that she is back to her sparkly, shiny energetic and sassy self four stitches and all.

about that boulder...

Tonight marked a great evening albeit a little bittersweet as we celebrated the adventures of two friends moving back to the midwest. I look at these friends and feel a full heart as they met in eachother a great match. The image of the two of them and their dogs setting course across the states makes me smile and well even inspires a little kick in my butt to think about some new adventures of my own. I am a road trip fiend though I've not been on a big one in a couple of years. I am a wanderluster. I can end up in many a town and dream about what it would like to live there. With a snap almost, I can see quitting my job, packing up and heading on. And its not that I don't like where I live or love my friends nearby, its just the dream and thrill of setting course to do something new is completely captivating. This topic I can surely revisit. There are many stories to tell about the road or desire to hit the road local and beyond.

So back to the dinner... We were sitting around my living room tonight after a few glasses of red wine and a good summer meal talking about everything from the company where we all have worked and on the adventures that lie ahead. We talked a bit about the river I've been writing about and more about that boulder. My pal said "oh i was hoping you were going to write about going around the boulder" Well timing is everything. I was thinking today and actually was reminded as I read this great piece I'll share soon called "Advice from the River" that really the river does just keeps flowing around the boulder, there is no fight that I can imagine. There is no resistance. The river just keeps flowing.

Travelling on can be a beautiful thing. Going with the flow, the path of least resistance where things just feel right.

On Letting Go

So I've been thinking again about this whole concept of letting go. I always like to think about life as a river, hopefully flowing freely with the current. Sometimes it happens that I let myself stop flowing, caught up against a big ol' boulder in the river. The more I fight the flow forward the more of course I go nowhere. Trying hard to figure out what to do about the boulder, how to work with it, how to make it move. Its exhausting. I spend more and more energy spinning around and around. But alas, I am slowly ever slowly and gradually learning to relax and breathe, come up for air. I don't have to do anything but relax and breathe, be true to my own flow. I remind myself how important it is to ride, let go and flow onward. Go with the flow takes on a whole new meaning. When I relax I am myself. I find my own groove.

And on finding my groove, I have been hooping quite a bit the past two evenings with my girl. I close my eyes and feel myself fill with joy, grinning ear to ear. We listen to music and hoop, spin and dance.

Circle Round

I intended to start writing a few days ago and here I am a few days later. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a river, a beautiful, fast and flowing river, cold and so incredibly fresh. Though knowing the jump into the cold burst will be exhilerating, I find it still just a little scary starting this journey of a blog. I've been talking about it long enough and I know I am ready and excited for where this journey of writing will take me.

The start. I came up with a couple of different names but have settled on HoopinMama. I have a delicious four-year old girl who loves to Hoola Hoop and through watching her find her way with the Hoop, and witnessing the thrill she has in just moving with it, I too have become a huge fan of the Hoop. For years, I was resistant to even pick one up because I thought I couldn't do it.

With the hoop, the magic was in finding the right hoop. And the answer to that was start big. I learned to start with a nice big heavy hoop. I also watched many a hooper and noticed the ones keeping it up were barely moving, just effortless in the circle round. I was thinking about not thinking as I could feel my body find its own rhythm and groove. On a fabulous tip and from watching my girl, I started by just rockin it slowly back and forth. Pretty soon, there i was ever so subtly finding my own groove, rockin it there with my girl.

Then I thought some more about not thinking so hard about how helpful it can be to just let go sometimes and see what happens with that.

So this blog I suppose begins a journey of some exploration. There are some big dreams I am working on and this for me is just a place to write a little bit about daily life and the pursuit of some of these dreams.

Today has been one of those hugely emotional days celebrating the marriage of an old friend and saying goodbye again to one of my very best friends and her children as they head back to their home far away from the Northwest. So for now this is my start.